The holidays are upon us once again and while, on the one hand, you want to embrace this family time, on the other, you feel your blood pressure starting to spike. Old resentments between siblings may simmer. Criticism cloaked as concern can grate on your nerves. And, uh, who’s that new boyfriend covered in tattoos?

There is, in fact, a way to enjoy the holidays without changing a single thing about yourself or your family. The first step is to ramp down expectations and work toward accepting your relatives just as they are, recommends Bruce Conn, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Coliseum Medical Centers in Macon, Georgia.

“Thinking your family is going to be different is just a setup for discomfort, pain and problems,” he says. “They're not going to be different, they're going to be the same, so you can be ready for that.”

With that in mind, read through our expert’s advice for navigating potential landmines, and finding more joy and reasons to give thanks during this year’s gatherings.