How to tell the difference between grief and depression

Grief and depression have similar symptoms, but they are two distinct health events.

Understanding the differences and similarities is crucial in getting the treatment you need. Seeking treatment for depression can literally save your life, and learning how to cope with natural grieving can help you heal. Because some of their symptoms overlap, however, differentiating between the two can be challenging.

Here are seven things you should know about depression and grief, including how to tell which is which, where to get treatment, and what can happen if either condition is left untreated.

Grief is triggered by loss; depression isn’t

Grief is caused by the loss of something or a loss that is going to happen but has not yet occurred, such as the loss of a loved one, a pet, a job, divorce, or children moving away. Grief is a natural part of life, says Dwarakanath Rao, MD, a psychiatrist in Livonia, Michigan and president of the American Association for Psychoanalytic Education (AAPE).

On the other hand, depression is usually related to one’s self. That means depression can be caused or worsened by a loss, but it can also occur if there’s been no loss. Depression is a mental illness that may be related to genetic and psychological factors, including major life changes or stress, physical illnesses, certain medications, or a family history of depression.

Grief can turn into complicated grief

“Complicated grief is another word for grief that is turning into depression, or unresolved grief that hasn’t been dealt with,” says Dr. Rao. “What is supposed to be a normal grieving process, turns into something that becomes more intense.” Symptoms of complicated grief, also called prolonged grief disorder, last longer than one year.

People experiencing complicated grief may feel an extreme amount of guilt, almost as if they’re responsible for the loss of the person. It can become impossible for them to stop thinking about the lost person, and may even have trouble accepting their death. Someone with complicated grief may also be in denial about what actually happened and the fact that their loved one is really gone. They may yearn for the deceased, get upset when thinking of memories with the deceased, and experience feelings of loneliness or emptiness.

Depression is long-term

“Grief results in temporary impairment of life functioning; with depression, there is prolonged impairment,” says Rao. Though complicated grief can last longer, most symptoms of grieving—such as distress, separation anxiety, and yearning—subside eventually, often after a few months, though this can vary from person to person. Depression is a condition that will need to be monitored for a longer period, perhaps even throughout a person’s lifetime.

Additionally, grief usually comes in waves. There will often be positive memories mixed with sad realizations that the person is gone. With depression, negative thoughts regularly occupy thoughts and feelings.

Grief is universal

Almost everyone experiences some form of grief during their lives. There’s not necessarily a genetic component to grief like there is with depression, says Rao. This means genes and family history don’t typically contribute to grief—instead, it’s a direct emotional response to loss.

On the other hand, people with depression may have a family history of depression, or maybe even a history of being depressed themselves. This influences their chances of becoming depressed.

Everyone grieves differently

Some experts have described stages of grieving (some common being denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), but not everyone will experience them in that order. Some may not experience them at all.

Those who are grieving may feel encouraged and upbeat one day, while sad and somber the next. If a friend or family member is dealing with grief, assure them you are there when they need you. And always suggest that talking to a mental health professional can be beneficial when it comes to moving on.

The two conditions can coexist

While grief and depression have differences, it’s possible for them to occur together. Having one condition can make the other worse. “If a patient starts out in the grieving process, we are usually on alert,” says Rao. “The grief could turn into depression. If there is no family history of depression, we’ll wait and give it some time and make some recommendations on how to grieve in a healthy way.”

And for someone who is depressed, a loss of a loved one can make symptoms worse.

There are some similarities

Similar symptoms can sometimes make these two experiences hard to diagnose. Some of the symptoms that overlap include:

• Sleep problems and fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Mixture of emotions like anger and sadness
• A loss of things that were once pleasurable
• Feelings of despair or not wanting to live

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief, there are a variety of things you can do to begin the healing process.

10 ways to deal with grief

Grieving is normal and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for taking time to recover after a loss. Here are some of the ways you can cope with losing a loved one:

• Don’t be afraid to embrace and acknowledge your emotions or pain.
• Be patient with yourself when you have negative thoughts.
• Don’t compare yourself to others; everyone mourns and grieves in different ways and for different lengths of time.
• Reach out to friends, family members or counselors for support.
• Maintain your normal routines, and avoid changes like career shifts or cross-country moves in the first year following your loss.
• Exercise regularly and eat a diet rich in healthy foods.
• Avoid using drugs or drinking too much alcohol.
• Make time for activities you enjoy.
• Pay tribute to your loved one by making a scrapbook of memories, enjoying an activity they loved, or by planting a flower or tree in their honor.
• Join a bereavement support group to discuss your feelings and get advice. Organizations like The Compassionate Friends, AARP, and National Widower’s Organization are good places to start.

If it’s depression you or a loved one is dealing with, there are many different treatment options, too.

Depression treatment options

There are many types of depression—and many types of treatment. From bipolar disorder to postpartum depression, a mental health professional can help you determine what you can do to feel better. Here are some of the most common ways depression is treated. Sometimes, a combination of one or more treatments may be needed:

• Antidepressant medications
• Psychotherapy or talk therapy
• Regular exercise and a healthy diet
• Avoiding alcohol

Whether you’re experiencing grief, depression, or some of both, it’s important to seek treatment and take care of yourself. If left untreated, grief can become much more serious and last for years, and untreated depression can start to affect your relationships, work life, appetite, and hygiene habits, and can even lead to suicidal thoughts.

There are so many successful treatment options available but the first step is reaching out for help.