How to avoid a relapse during stressful times

Following your path to recovery from drug or alcohol use can be challenging any time of year. But for many people, the holidays can place extra stress on efforts to stay on track.

“There’s an enormous pressure on us to have the holidays be like a Hallmark card: everyone getting along, everyone getting the best gifts, and you having the perfect outfit for every event,” says Joel Holiner, MD, a psychiatrist specializing in addiction medicine in Dallas, “That pressure makes the season stressful for everyone, but it can be especially difficult if you’re in recovery or you have a history of addiction.”

Not only can your stress level increase at the end of the year, you may be faced with powerful triggers. Whether it’s running into old friends, coworkers gifting you alcohol, or having to spend time with judgmental relatives, the season can cause difficult emotions to resurface.

Holiday relapse prevention tips

It can help to have the holidays on your own terms. Here are expert-approved tips for sidestepping triggers, coping with the stress, and helping to prevent a relapse.

You’re in control of your social calendar

“First off, there’s no event that you actually have to go to,” says Dr. Holiner. “You may feel obligated to attend a friend’s party or a family function. But if you know it’s a setup for relapse—based on the people who will be there or previous experiences at the same event—do everything you can to stay home.”

It’s especially important to avoid high-risk situations during the early days of recovery, when your mind may still crave substances when facing stress.

“Alcoholics Anonymous has a saying that to stay sober, you need to change your playmates and your playpen,” says Holiner. Stay away from the friends with whom you used alcohol or drugs in the past and avoid triggering settings, such as areas of your hometown where you have painful memories.

Bring your own

Before sending in your party RSVP, consider asking the host to make it a drug- or alcohol-free event. Most people will respect your recovery process and serve alcohol alternatives.

If you aren’t 100 percent sure that an event will be substance-free, bring a holiday “mocktail” like a non-alcoholic mulled punch. Make it your contribution to the potluck or a gift for the host. That way, you can feel more comfortable turning down drink offers and even reciprocate with your own.

Bring along a fellow sober person, as well. If people bring alcohol or other substances without the host’s permission, you and your holiday buddy can enjoy each other’s company in an area away from the crowd. But don’t stick around if the party gets out of hand or you start to feel tempted.

Prepare your script

“I think it's very reasonable when a person is trying to hand you a drink to tell that friend, coworker, or even your boss, ‘I'm sorry, I've had a problem with drinking in the past and my doctor doesn't want me to drink at all.’ If you don’t feel like you could be open with the person, try a simple, ‘My doctor won’t let me drink because of a medical issue’—which is what addiction is,” says Holiner.

Practice turning down offers ahead of each event. Think through the different scenarios you might encounter and say your responses out loud in front of the mirror until they sound confident. You could run through the lines with your sponsor or counselor, as well.

Cope with holiday stress

With everything that happens around the holidays, it’s normal for schedules to change, including counseling and support group days. But this is a time when you actually want to increase the number of meetings you go to and spend more time talking with your counselor, says Holiner.

Around the holidays, we may also find excuses to stop taking care of ourselves. These excuses may include stress, being busy, or saying, ‘It’s too cold out to exercise.’ But physical activity is one of the best ways to control stress and help prevent relapses. And it’s not just about fitting in exercise: Remembering to eat, limiting less-healthy foods, and getting enough sleep all reduce stress and protect your self-esteem. These can all help you avoid a relapse, Holiner adds.

Taking care of yourself also means sticking to a routine. Schedule healthy activities like gym time and meal prep, along with enough counseling sessions and support group meetings. If you’re facing a high-risk situation in the near future, include a plan for how you’ll stay sober at that event. Think about which people you’ll avoid, what time you’ll leave, how you’ll answer questions from nosy relatives, and how you’ll help the host if you need a distraction.

Another way to keep your stress level down? “Avoid setting unrealistic expectations for yourself,” says Holiner. “Let go of the pressure to create this perfect holiday. Stop overemphasizing the gifts, the decorating, the meals. Remember that the people matter most.”

Many people also find success with an approach called mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP). The technique draws upon the principles of mindfulness to help you become more aware of your triggers and habits, while developing a nonjudgmental relationship with yourself. Talk to your counselor about whether this type of therapy may be right for you.

After the holidays

When the excitement settles after the holiday period, it can feel like a bit of a letdown. If you’re no longer busy and your calendar is suddenly empty, you may feel depressed—especially during the coldest and darkest months of the year.

“I recommend making post-holiday plans, because after six to eight weeks of shopping, cooking, decorating, partying, it's hard to suddenly stop and not feel a big void in your life. Don't wait 364 days to start making plans and having fun again,” says Holiner.

Sign up for a class you’ve always wanted to take or join a meet-up group that enjoys sober activities like hiking or cooking. It will give you something to look forward to and help to build healthy activities into your schedule.

The holidays can be trying when you’re overcoming addiction, but by taking steps to prevent a relapse, you can get through them. Avoid high-risk situations, plan ahead, and lean on your counselor or support group when stress starts to build.