How to manage parenting when you have ADHD

Many adults with ADHD are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed until their child is diagnosed with the condition. If you have it, it may help to take the time to recognize the symptoms and treat them. Doing so can make the experience of having ADHD easier for your child, too, if they also have the condition.

Symptoms of adult ADHD

Adults need to have five of the primary ADHD symptoms in order to be diagnosed with the condition, plus it needs to have shown signs in childhood. Symptoms are divided into two main categories, inattentive and hyperactive.

Inattentive symptoms include difficulty with paying attention, staying on task and focused, listening, following through, staying organized, not procrastinating, keeping track of items, and remembering important details. These symptoms tend to interfere with daily life.

Hyperactive symptoms can include fidgeting, feeling restless and standing up a lot, trouble staying engaged in calm or quiet activities like reading a book or waiting in line, having consistent high energy, oversharing, and interrupting others. These symptoms tend to interfere with daily life.

It’s also helpful to examine your family tree. ADHD is heritable, meaning it can be passed down through the generations of a family. Do your children, parents, siblings, or other blood relatives have ADHD? If so, you have a higher risk of the condition because genes play a large role in ADHD.

If you have at least one blood relative with ADHD and you have ADHD-like symptoms, you should talk to your healthcare provider (HCP) to learn more about your chances of having ADHD.

How ADHD is diagnosed

To diagnose an adult, an HCP will take several factors into consideration. First, they may give you a physical examination to rule out other reasons for your symptoms. They may also offer you psychological tests, but neither physical nor psychological tests are required to make a diagnosis.

What is required is an in-depth conversation about your behavior as a child, particularly whether you had any behavioral issues or difficulties. They may ask you questions, and they may also direct questions to your parent, partner, or a close friend. These loved ones can talk about your symptoms from an external point of view, which can be a valuable addition to your own account of your experience.

The ADHD brain

ADHD is a condition associated with alterations in brain chemistry and changes in the way the brain works. The function of two brain chemicals—dopamine and norepinephrine—is different in people who have ADHD. An imbalance or disruption of these neurotransmitters can affect how someone with ADHD pays attention and acts on impulse. It also changes how they perceive feelings of reward and pleasure when engaging in tasks.

And research has shown that in people with ADHD, one part of the brain called the frontal lobe works differently. In neurotypical people, the frontal lobe helps with planning, making decisions, paying attention, and other related tasks. These activities are grouped under “directed attention,” which is what you need in order to do something that’s not super interesting or is tiring—like daily tasks at school or at work.

Ultimately, these changes in brain chemistry and brain function are what cause ADHD symptoms.

Parenting with ADHD

ADHD symptoms can affect all areas of your life, even your parenting. You may have a harder time supervising and being involved. You might find it difficult to be consistent with discipline. And sometimes you might feel yourself getting emotional. You may have a hard time keeping yourself even and level when you're dealing with a volatile situation with your kids.

If you have a child with ADHD, dealing with your own symptoms can make it more difficult to keep your child on track with their ADHD treatment plan.

Whether or not your child has ADHD, you can get ahead of the curve by taking a specifically ADHD-friendly approach to each parenting goal and problem. For example, to prioritize bonding with your kids, make sure to schedule in activities and quality time. To create spaces where your child can play safely even if you’re distracted, make sure there are no dangerous elements (i.e., no chemicals or medicines, and no ledges to fall from).

Positives of parenting with ADHD

Despite the possible challenges of parenting with ADHD, there are some good things about it, too. In many ways, parents with ADHD can use their experiences to help their children manage ADHD better.

If you have a child with ADHD, they may feel a stronger connection with you and feel more comfortable and less alone with the condition knowing that you have similar symptoms. Your child might also feel better about getting treatment. You can also share useful strategies for managing symptoms.

To allow for daily check-ins about symptoms as well as any other questions or needs—like homework help—set up a recurring time each day when your child knows they can approach you and you’ll be both physically and mentally available and focused. Think of these check-ins as your office hours and establish rules for yourself so that they’re protected time periods that you can’t schedule over.

Seek support

Untreated, ADHD can pose challenges for family life. But it doesn't have to. Seeking support and a combination of lifestyle strategies, counseling, behavioral treatments, and medications can help.

Make the effort to manage your condition and lead your child by example on the path to a more organized and productive life. You can look for skills training interventions that can help you set up and maintain everyday systems for managing and organizing the demands of daily life.

Establishing habits, routines, and rituals can go a long way toward helping you and your family not just bond but flourish. Try repeating activities that happen at certain times of the day, week, month, and year.

And while it’s typical with ADHD to let some things slide, be sure to prioritize certain aspects of your child’s life and schedule so you can show up when it’s most important to them—whether for their award ceremony or the big game. Try to remember that kids are sponges, so strive to model the behavior you’d like them to learn.