It’s time to talk to your teen about sexting

Most teenagers in the United States have access to smartphones. And while teens make the occasional phone call, texting has become the main mode of communication. With the increase in texting has come a parallel rise in “sexting,” or sending or receiving messages and images related to sexual acts.

One analysis of 28 studies, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health in 2022, estimated that about 19 percent of teens had sent a sext, and around 35 percent had received one. Researchers found that older teens were more likely to send these messages, and girls were more likely to get them.

The best time to talk to your child about sexting is now, even if you don’t think it’s affected them yet. Here are smart ideas to start the conversation.

Talking to children and tweens

Your approach should depend on your child’s age. For children and tweens, make sure the discussion is age appropriate. You may want to start off with questions like “Have you heard of sexting? Tell me what you think it is,” since they might not be aware of it. Learning what they already know can give you a place to start your discussion.

Whatever they claim to understand, let them know they should never send images of themselves or any other person who is naked or touching private parts. If they receive one, they should let you know as soon as possible. Tell them that it’s a very serious issue and may even be against the law.

Talking to teens

Teenagers have likely heard of sexting and may have even engaged in it. If you discover your child is sexting, try to stay calm. If you’re upset, they may be more likely to get upset, too. Remember that teenage years are full of exploration and it’s normal for them to experiment when discovering their sexual identity. One or two sexts doesn’t mean they have a serious problem.

When talking about sexting with teens, be more specific than you would with a younger child. Use examples they’ll understand, like particular phrases that are cause for concern.

Without terrifying them, let your teen know that sending or receiving sexts can have serious consequences. Once it’s sent, they’ll lose control over the content. Words or images can be copied, shared or posted many times over, and can wind up in the wrong hands. Among many potential troubles, this can result in serious emotional trauma, suspension from school, and issues getting into college or getting a job.

Also discuss that some sexting is considered pornographic, especially if it involves a minor. Be frank that sharing sexually explicit images of people under the age of 18 can be a crime.

Make sure they have good role models

Research suggests that teens’ peer groups can have a major impact on their behavior. For example, teens who surround themselves with positive role models are less likely to involve themselves in unhealthy behaviors. Meanwhile, teens who associate with negative role models—such as those who skip school or don’t listen to their parents—may be more prone to become involved in risky activities, or pressured into them by their friends.

A positive role model could be a tutor at school or a slightly older, high-achieving neighbor or relative. Connecting your teen with a mentor—whether to provide college advice, sports coaching, or just a friendly ear for listening—can help steer them toward healthy activities like school sports or community service and away from potentially risky behaviors.

As you learn how to talk with your child about sexting, remember that you can also set a positive example for them. They may be interested to hear about the healthy ways you use texting and email. Your kids may be encouraged to model these positive behaviors in their own tech lives.

Look for support

Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for you and for your child. Conversations about sexting can be difficult and uncomfortable. At the same time, an honest talk can bring you closer together. Either way, it’s okay if you need extra support. A healthcare provider can offer guidance on how to approach the topic, and resources to consult for more information.