3 ways to help manage strong emotions

Emotions may simply seem like automatic responses—something occurs, and we react. But really, emotions are essential to how we understand and interact with the world around us. Feelings like grief, fear, and sadness help us process information, communicate, make choices, and take action.

Sometimes, though, our emotions threaten to overwhelm us. We may not know how to manage or express them in a healthy way. This can threaten our relationships, our mental and physical health, and even our ability to function from day to day.

Learning to cope with powerful feelings may seem like something you’re born with—but it’s a skill that you can develop over time, with practice. Doing so can build resilience, helping you to adapt and overcome challenges. It can improve your well-being and strengthen your bonds with others. It can help keep intense reactions from spiraling into more serious issues.

With that in mind, here are simple strategies to deal with strong emotions.

Recognize and acknowledge your feelings

To help manage anxiety, sadness, and other strong emotions, first identify what you’re feeling. When an emotion comes on, don’t push it down, even if it’s uncomfortable. Allow yourself to feel it. Then, give it a name. This is called emotional awareness, and it can help you take charge of your responses.

To help pinpoint what you’re feeling, ask yourself:

• What was your gut reaction to a situation?
• How strong was this response?
• How did it make your body feel?
• What did your feelings make you want to do?

If you’re tense and shaky and want to run away, for example, you’re likely feeling anxiety. If you feel a rush of adrenaline and want to shout or strike something, it’s probably anger.

Once you’ve named your emotion, you can start to identify triggers. Think about what set you off.

• What was happening?
• Where were you?
• Was another person involved? If so, who?

As time goes on, you may notice patterns. Perhaps a situation at work causes you to be anxious, or interacting with a certain family member tends to trigger anger. When you’re able to pinpoint triggers for strong emotions, you can create a plan to limit or avoid what sets you off. You can also figure out ways to cope with your emotions if you encounter these triggers again.

Practice coping strategies

When you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation, you may not be able to control what’s happening. Instead, work on what you can control—how you react.

Take a minute

In the moment, stepping away and counting to 10 before you respond can give you a chance to calm down and assess a situation. You may even want to excuse yourself to take a walk, stretch, try some deep breathing, or drink some water.

Ask yourself some questions

Examining your feelings can help you think about them in a different way. Consider:

• What is it exactly that’s prompting your reaction?
• What will probably happen in this situation? What’s the worst or best that could happen?
• Has any damage been done?
• How important is this to you right now? Will it matter in a week? A month?
• Are you expecting too much from yourself? From someone else?
• What advice would you give a friend in this situation?
• Is there another, more positive way of viewing this situation?

Reframing the moment helps you see it from a new angle—and that may make it feel more manageable.

Practice positive self-talk

Be kind to yourself. Accept your emotions without judging. In your mind, try to position them in ways that are understandable and valid. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t feel this way” try: “Of course I feel anxious when I have to speak in front of a group—it’s a common experience, and I’m not alone in feeling this way.” The goal isn’t to deny your strong emotions, but to handle them in a healthy, constructive way.

Communicate with care

Strong relationships are built on open, thoughtful communication. That means being honest about your feelings and thoughts—but doing so with kindness and respect.

When you share your emotions, shoot for a calm, measured tone. Use “I” statements to talk about your feelings, such as “I feel stressed when deadlines are missed.” This keeps the focus on your perspective, not on blame. Then, give others a chance to respond. Listen attentively when they’re talking. Even if you don’t agree or you can’t come up with a solution, respectful communication can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings, and keep a situation from worsening.

Keep a journal

Once an emotional moment has passed, it may help to keep a journal. Not only can it help you express intense feelings, seeing them written down may help you better examine and understand them. You may even be able to come up with solutions.

Take care of yourself

Strong emotions often show up when you're most vulnerable: when your schedule is packed with events, chores, and responsibilities. You'll likely find it easier to stay calm, cool, and collected when you're taking care of your basic physical needs—when you’re exercising regularly, eating healthy meals, and getting seven to nine hours of quality sleep each night.

You can also do things to support your overall mental health. Taking these steps regularly can help reduce stress and improve your outlook in general.

• Practice being grateful.
• Engage in hobbies and activities you enjoy.
• Spend time outdoors when you can.
• Make it a priority to socialize with friends, family, and people in your neighborhood.
• Embrace and engage with your faith community.

If you’re having a hard time dealing with strong emotions and they disrupt your daily life, speak with a healthcare provider (HCP). An HCP can suggest strategies to help you cope and recommend specialists that may be able to help.

Remember: It’s healthy to have strong emotions. It’s not healthy to let them hijack your mental and physical well-being. With time and practice, these approaches can help you manage your feelings now and in the years to come.