Teens with ADHD and the challenges families face

Between hormone changes and boundary-pushing, the teenage years can be a trying time for any family. When a teen has attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), relationships may become even more complicated.

Once a child moves to middle school, ADHD symptoms such as excess energy, emotional outbursts, and inattention don't necessarily vanish. In fact, new and more complex challenges unique to teens with ADHD can sometimes arise. Combined with existing behaviors, these can have a profound impact on the family dynamic. It's common for parents and siblings to feel frustrated and stressed out or somewhat resentful. At times you may feel inadequate as a caregiver. If left unchecked, such emotions can strain relationships to the point where daily family life and communication start to break down.

Research suggests marriage troubles are more prevalent in families with an ADHD child or teen. Parents of children with ADHD may also be more likely to become depressed or abuse alcohol or drugs.

That’s part of why it’s important to establish systems—both within and outside your family—that foster awareness, communication, and coping skills for the whole family as the child who has ADHD enters the teen years. Here are strategies to help you successfully navigate this stage of development:

Keep everyone informed

Family members may already feel well versed in coping with a child with ADHD, but new behavioral problems particular to the teen years are likely to appear. Compared to teens without ADHD, those with ADHD are more prone to self-harm, unsafe sexual behavior, and being bullied, among many other health risks. Discuss the possible behavior changes with the entire family so they can anticipate problems and know how to respond appropriately.

For example, research suggests that substance abuse and smoking are more prevalent among teens with ADHD than teens without the condition. Make yourself and everyone in the household aware of the red flags of substance abuse and how to recognize them in your teen. Also, because being easily distracted and having trouble staying focused put ADHD teens at a significantly higher risk of auto accidents, make it known that your they should never drive after their medication has worn off.

Have consistent rules, routines, and rewards

Maintaining an organized household environment, posting to-do lists with household chores, establishing routines and clear rules, and using rewards for good behavior are techniques that your whole family will benefit from, especially your teen with ADHD. The more structure and predictability you can build into your routines, the fewer distractions and frustrations for your teen. Also, be sure to closely monitor where your kids are, what they're doing, and who their friends are. This is likely common practice for most parents, but with an ADHD teen, you may need to be particularly vigilant.

Like many teenagers, those with ADHD are starting to yearn for greater independence and self-reliance. To foster that journey, you may want to slowly allow your teen to assume more responsibilities and to participate more actively in the decisions about household routines, schedules, rules, guidelines, and rewards.

Hold regular family meetings

Setting aside a specific time and place to discuss how the family dynamic is working for the teen with ADHD is key to identifying and addressing family conflicts as they arise. Be sure to schedule regular meetings for the entire family, as well as daily one-on-one sessions with your ADHD teen. As a parent or caregiver, use individual meetings to reinforce or renegotiate rules, to talk through problems or conflicts, and to brainstorm solutions.

When talking with your teen, use a calm, nonjudgmental tone, listen without interrupting, and maintain eye contact. Encourage your teen to talk openly about any conflicts or emotions he or she is having at home and to suggest possible solutions.

Practice stress management for the whole family

Talk with a family therapist about stress-relief techniques for you, your teen with ADHD, and other members of the family. Explore stress-reducing tools such as deep-breathing exercises, muscle-relaxation exercises, meditation, walking, or other physical activities. Tai chi, yoga, and massage therapy may also provide stress-relief benefits.

Take advantage of support groups and therapy

Joining a support group of other parents and caregivers with teens who have ADHD can help soothe stress and provide practical solutions to challenges you're facing. Also, getting therapy for the entire family—including your teen—may help everyone better cope with emotional stress and conflict.

If you and your partner are having issues or a breakdown in communication, you may also consider seeing a family and marriage counselor experienced with ADHD. Another tool to consider: a behavioral parent training (BPT) program specifically designed to teach more effective parenting skills for all phases of your child's life.